Well, obviously the episodes "Loss" and "Ghost" have the most potential Olivia/Alex subtext but I see many other instances throughout the show as well like the jewelry you described before. Some say I'm just seeing what I want to see, but I don't care! lol.
Since you're a big Alex/Olivia shipper then you've prob seen this site, but for those of you who haven't, this is a segment from
www.sallyforth.info "An Olivia Benson Rave." It's kinda long but the author makes some very good points.
Reasons to think Olivia is gay (or bi): 1. In the very first episode, a very gay male art dealer mentions his open marriage and bisexual wife who prefers women. He looks right at Benson and says, "And YOU should call her". Olivia just smiles while Elliot stares at her quizzically. Here is the first hint that Olivia might be a lesbian or at least that she comes across as a lesbian.
Counter: It doesn't prove anything. Yes, but the subtle hint is there. I posted this on a message board and got responses very quickly from two people who could not have seen the episode in over six months. They both told me that I was reading too much into it. In other words, I was just imagining it.
2. Olivia goes into the Eager Beavers Gentlemen's Club to interview one of the exotic dancers. As she hands the dancer a twenty-dollar bill, Olivia gives her a flirtatious smile. The dancer responds with a quick once over, sort of saying, "I think you're cute too, you hunka burning detective love."
Counter: I am just imagining it.
3. The end of the Loss episode. This is my favorite scene of the entire series. It is an acting tour de force. Basically, the scene is about Alex and Olivia saying good-bye. If you doubt me, imagine the scene without Stabler. Now try to imagine it without Olivia.
Here are two women who are expert at hiding their feelings. Nothing on the show has suggested that they are very close friends. Yet, in this scene, they are both overcome with emotion. Alex can barely look at Olivia without crying. Olivia face is filled with both love and grief. They gaze into each other's eyes for a long time. Their moment quickly passes and they are lost to each other forever. I can't believe that the director said "You're two work friends saying good-bye under stressful circumstances" and this was the result.
Counter: Unbelievably to me, some people see just that - two close friends saying good-bye. Since I don't have a script, I can't say they're wrong. (i.e., I must be imagining it)
4. The mysterious ring on the right hand and the "Alex" necklace.
I read on a board that Mariska wears her mother's ring on her right hand. If it's true, it's beyond me why she would wear that ring when she's in character. But it is possible. I've also noticed that Olivia wore a ring on her right hand throughout much of the fourth season. You usually had to look pretty hard to see it. However, in the two episodes that would likely draw a large gay audience, Olivia's ring is definitely brought to your attention. In fact, in Abomination Olivia uncharacteristically plays with her necklace with her right hand - drawing attention to both the ring and the necklace. The ring was real apparent in "Loss" as Olivia was trying to stop Alex's life from oozing away. In every episode afterwards, the ring is brought into focus at least once. The necklace looks very much like one Alex wore at the end of season 4. Besides, Olivia almost never wore a necklace. Suddenly, she is wearing the same necklace all the time. Usually people do that for sentimental reasons.
Counter: Well, it's hard for me to admit but, in this case, I just could be imagining it. (see rave definition #1)
5. She just plain acts like a lesbian. And by that I do not mean she acts like a man. Of course she's butch because she runs around waving a gun and can kick your ass, but she is not mannish at all. She does, however, act like a person who moves freely in the world. This is possible largely because she doesn't wear "knock me down and f**k me" shoes. For example, she takes long strides when she walks, when she sits, her knees are not necessarily together, and (my personal favorite) she can pull a door out of a wall when the need arises.
Counter: You cannot tell a person's orientation from outward appearance. This applies in both directions.
6. Olivia can't seem to keep her eyes off Vanessa Williams in a skin-tight tennis outfit. As is typical for Olivia, she shows no reaction, but it's clear that she's having a look.
Counter: That girl was so sizzling' that my dead mother would have taken a long cool look at her. (see item 4 next section)
7. Women flirt with Olivia.
Counter: Men flirt with Olivia, too. (See item 5 next section)
8. Mariska Hargitay, during an interview on the Conan O'Brien show, said "everyone" (her word, not mine) thinks she is a lesbian because of Olivia Benson. That implies to me that Olivia Benson is a lesbian or at least pings big time.
Counter: MH also intimated that there is some chemistry between Elliot and Olivia. (see item 6 next section)
9. In Abomination, Olivia gets to say the PC gay stuff (you are born that way, you don't choose it; your orientation cannot be changed) She asks Elliot if he chose to be straight, but never says anything about herself and Elliot doesn't ask. Knows that if a gay man is dating girls, it's very likely that his girlfriend is gay too. I don't know if this is something a straight person would necessarily know. It is an ironic comment on the behavior of closeted gays. And, as I mentioned in #5, there's the scene where we can all see that ring.
Counter: None of this proves anything. I agree, but it does not refute anything about Olivia either. If TPTB wanted us to know Olivia was totally straight, this would have been an easy time to do it. Instead, there were the mixed signals again.
Now for the flip side.
Reasons to think Olivia is straight: The first five items are the main reasons people on message boards give to prove that Olivia is not gay. I'm going to comment on them together.
1a. The number one reason given is that she had sex with a co-worker, Det. Brian Cassidy (Closure, Episode 10 Season 1).
1b. She went on a date and almost had sex with a male reporter she had just met (The Third Guy, also season 1).
1c. Olivia kept trying to go on a first date with a man named Michael (Countdown Episode 37 Season 2).
1d. An ex-boyfriend, Andy, appears for an entire episode (Escape, season 5).
1e. An ex-boyfriend is a murder victim (Lowdown, season 5).
Counter: If having sex with a member of the opposite sex means you are not gay, then there would be only three gay people in America. What these close encounters show me is that Olivia has problems relating to men. For one, Olivia was drunk when she slept with Cassidy and as she left in a hurry she said, "Don't get used to it". After that, Cassidy was like a puppy and Olivia treated him very coolly, almost cruelly. Also, there was no chemistry between Olivia and Andy whatsoever. In fact, Olivia seemed a little annoyed that he showed up. If anything, there was negative tension between them. Seemed like they dated but it never got serious. And, the that the ex-boyfriend in Lowdown turned out to be gay and he and Olivia had sex only once (no chemistry, she explains).
So what do we have here? Two short-term ex-boyfriends from five or more years ago. Three dates with almost-sex four years ago. Hmmmm. Not very hetero if you ask me.
2. Elliot said "Olivia dates lots of guys". (Pandora, season 4)
Counter:This is our only indication that Olivia has dated since the first season. Over four seasons, not one of these dates turned into a relationship. Also, talking about dates is not inconsistent for a closeted lesbian.
3. Olivia said, "I had a pregnancy scare in college." (Mercy, season 4)
Counter: Lots of lesbians have relations with men when they're young because it's expected, they try to fit in, and they don't understand that they have other options. So this fact alone does not eliminate the possibility that Olivia is gay. In fact, it is the very sort of thing a closeted lesbian would say.
4. Olivia does a double take of a gorgeous black male model in his jockey shorts. In typical Benson fashion, she shows no emotion, but it is clearly a double take.
Counter: The guy was so gorgeous that anyone I would have taken a long cool look at him. (see number 6 above)
5. Men hit on Olivia.
Counter: Women hit on Olivia too.(See number 7 above)
6. The Elliot-Olivia chemistry. On the Caroline Rhea Show, Mariska Hargitay herself said there was some chemistry between Olivia and Elliot.
Counter: To me, the chemistry between Olivia and Elliot seems to be more familial than romantic. I looked at an episode that MH had specifically mentioned on the CR show and I still couldn't see it. Makes me sorta understand the people who don't see what I do in Loss. (See number 8 above). MH also intimated on the Conan O'Brien Show that Olivia seems to be a lesbian.
7. Olivia gave her "Why I don't have a boyfriend speech" to Casey Novak (Serendipity, Season 5).
Counter: none really. It just seemed to be a lame excuse to me ("they all run away when they find out what I do for a living"). I find that hard to believe that would happen with every single guy she went out with. I don't want to get overly psychological about this, but it just doesn't seem like a legitimate reason to me.
Okay. Is she straight? Is she Gay? Is she bi? Only the shadow knows.