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Post by benstabler on Jul 2, 2008 4:04:21 GMT -5
Some friends of mine have a 15 year old daughter who is anorexic, and this has been going on for quite some time. I am good friends with the family - not extremely close, but close enough, and the daughter has always been extremely fond of me. My question is - does anyone know anyone who has gone through this or gne through this themself and any suggestions on what I can do to help to make this girl realize she is sweet, special, beautiful, smart and great no matter what? I do my best to keep in touch with her on myspace and make her feel special and know that I care about her but I wish I could do more I just don't know WHAT! Any help would be appreciated! Thanks
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Post by Finaddict on Jul 2, 2008 6:38:30 GMT -5
IMO, this girl will need professional help and there is lot of help available in this area. My daughter was bulemic in high school and counseling is what turned her around and she made a full recovery. You are doing the right thing in staying close to her. Are her parents able to get her into a program for recovery? Again stay close to this girl and let her know she can trust you.
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Post by Terry on Jul 2, 2008 6:42:46 GMT -5
This year, I found out that a girl in my class had bulimia. I was told by her closest friend that I've been helping out with some schoolwork, and during all of that we've gotten fairly close.
Anyways, when I found out, I was stunned. Of all the people I know, this was not a girl I would have guessed something like this about, because she is a very beautiful girl. However, she is also hanging around older people, which gets her into a lot of parties with lots and lots of alcohol.
Eventually, this girl started drinking more, she had a pregnancy scare, and she started smoking. And I am certain that none of the above would have happened if she hadn't started hanging out with those people, perhaps not even the bulimia.
I think that for that girl, hanging out with people that is in their early twenties, and also other women, who are more grown, more mature and more physically developed, made her want to fit in better.
And I don't think I can give you too much advice, but I will say this: it is way too often our surroundings and environment that makes a person feel insecure, and that can in many cases lead to things like that. In other cases, maybe a girl wants to be as thin as that girl on the catwalk on TV. There are many different causes.
But it is what this causes does to a person, I think, that is the key in many cases. They make girls strive to be someone they are not, because they feel that other doesn't see them as good enough. And therefore, I think that perhaps you should try to talk to her. Find out why she feels she can't eat, and what makes her feel this way. Do what you can to make her realize that no matter how she looks, or what others say, it doesn't matter, because she is beautiful, wonderful, and special. I don't think you can do all of this alone, but perhaps having someone who isn't a close relative, someone that is a part of "everyone else", yet someone she is close to, can be a good help.
Hope things work out; for all of you.
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Dani
Leiutenant
I Can Fly
Posts: 1,513
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Post by Dani on Jul 2, 2008 9:37:28 GMT -5
Terry: Unfortunately with this sort of stuff people are always surprised at the person who has it. My best friend from high school cut her wrists and was depressed about something only her family knew but she couldn't tell me. She assured me it wasn't rape, which what I thought it was. Before this, she was always so happy and perky and the girl who was friends with everyone and talented in acting and singing. The girl people talk to when they need someone to talk to.
Ben: I agree with finaddict. Tell the parents to get her help.
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Post by benstabler on Jul 3, 2008 2:51:55 GMT -5
Thanks everyone. I hate feeling powerless to help, other than some kind words. Sadly I know it will take more than just that. She has been in counseling but I guess that isn't helping. The mom told me the dad has some self esteem issues and recently found out his mom was bullemic for 20 years. Mom just got some books and hopefully can find something in there to help. I said I know I can't do much but let me know what I CAN do!
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Dani
Leiutenant
I Can Fly
Posts: 1,513
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Post by Dani on Jul 3, 2008 3:55:05 GMT -5
Just be there. Don't follow the fifteen-year-old to the bathroom or keep asking how she is. That'll just piss her off.
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Post by benstabler on Jul 4, 2008 2:57:51 GMT -5
right!Thanks again everyone I will let you know if she starts to get better!
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Post by Finaddict on Jul 4, 2008 12:25:14 GMT -5
Please do keep us posted. I know how difficult and scary this can be for everyone involved.
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Post by benstabler on Jul 5, 2008 1:10:20 GMT -5
I sure will!
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Post by Sexystablersgal on Jul 5, 2008 6:19:15 GMT -5
Fist off, I hope she gets better soon. Second, please keep us updated on her, as anorexia is such a difficult problem.
Thirdly, although I haven't known anyone who has gone through anorexia, I stopped eating for nearly a year when I was stressed out about my exams. Obviously, it's not as serious as anorexia, and was more me being unable to deal with stress, but what got me through it was having loving people around to help me, and made me feel like there weren't interrogating me. Also, the end of exams helped, as that's what's triggered it. Has she been under any stress that you know off? Been made fun off or anything? Sometimes things like this can be triggered by the simplest things, and half the time the root cause gets overlooked.
I also agree with Patti. Professional help is definetly the way to go, because it's someone neutral, who is there purely to listen. I had a terrific councellor in collage, who helped me with all sorts of tiny things, as well as getting down to the bigger things. Of course, sometimes I wouldn't open up about massive things, because she was a stranger, so my advice (which, in the scope of things, is tiny and very unknowledgable) is too stay close to her, and let her know that you're there if she needs you. I would stand by sortof policy in 'don't ask, don't tell'. Keep an open ear, and stand by her. Don't judge, don't be critical, but let her know the dangers. Look up some hard facts, and try to introduce them. Half the time girls like that don't realise they have a problem. But, like Dani said, make sure you don't follow her around and things. My mum was my rock when I stopped eating, she wouldn't ever bring it up, but would let me talk, and eventually it was a teacher at school who I hated, and thought hated me that turned me around, purley because I broke down in front of her.
But, most of all, be there for her. Even if she needs someone to scream at. Screaming works wonders, believe me, expecially if it's at someone other than mum and dad. Good luck! *hugs*
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Post by benstabler on Jul 26, 2008 2:38:58 GMT -5
Hey sexystabler gal...first off my apologies I didn't see this sooner. Update - not much of one - but we made plans to hang out today. Her mom sent me a message on my space on Wednesday saying that she didn't eat and if she didn't eat the next 2 days she wasn't allowed to go out. But I could still come over. So I called mom today to check and see how she was, and she said when she left earlier she had her ice cream out (some kind of tofu ice cream ) and she was eating it right out of the carton and she had never seen her do that before so she must really want to see me this weekend...lol. So that made me feel good that she is making an effort for me, or appears to be for that reason. Not sure if stress was a factor. I know dad is kinda secure and a perfectionist. Mom and dad also had some problems which seem to be working themselves out so maybe that will help. Lots of things have happened since this started...she lost 2 grandparents (moms parents) her brother was in a drowning accident last summer (he survived but still in therapy) so I am sure none of that helped...(btw brother was with her in the lake when he went under and she could not help him so I am sure she has some guilt there). So anyways we're just gonna hang out and be girls, I suggested make overs at the mall something to make her feel good about herself.
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Post by benstabler on Jul 29, 2008 4:35:44 GMT -5
just a quick update, I spent some time with this girl on Saturday. Her and I went to the mall. I am, not a mall shopper but had fun! lol. She had to eat to go out so she had some japanese noodles when I arrived and we had smoothies at the mall. We stopped by the block party her dad's band was playing and her mom said we had to try this dip and I put some on the plate and shared, she told me since I was eating she would too. Then later on at her house I wanted go outside to smoke and we ended up taking a walk and I had 2 smokes (was a long walk...lol) and she was on me about that so I told her when she ate I would minus a cigarette from my day so she's been texting me with her progress and we had talks about how we should both be healthy. So we'll see how it all goes. I feel good I maybe helped some ;D
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Post by Terry on Jul 29, 2008 14:34:58 GMT -5
I think it is so incredible of you to motivate her by cutting cigarettes when she eats, that is so awesome of you!
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Post by benstabler on Jul 30, 2008 3:02:18 GMT -5
Thanks Terry. I figured any little thing I can do will help. I think it helps her knowing she can text me and I will reply right away (within reason because I am at work at night...lol) I think the constant contact for someone that age is important. She made a comment, while painting my nails on Saturday, that she sucks at everything and I don't know why she thinks that so once I feel right about bringing that up I will. She's in band, choir and drama so she has enough actitivities that she should feel good about! She's been eating one full meal and had fat free ice cream out at the ice cream place tonight (had to give up 2 smokes for that...lol)
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Post by Finaddict on Jul 30, 2008 5:52:55 GMT -5
I think what you are doing is awesome. It is knowing that she can count on you that is very important. Keep up the good work. ;D
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